I'm struggling.
When we decided to close my business so I could devote more time to my art, I immediately became nervous and excited. I filled the studio with materials and excitedly went to work.
My excitement waned into sadness. I'm rusty. I'm not as good as I used to be. I feel like I'm back in my freshman
Intro to Drawing class..."Is that a Popsicle Lindsay?" "Um, well it's supposed to be a tree."
I know that I am an Artist, and that is what I'm supposed to be doing right now, so why this barrier? Yeah, yeah I know that with practice I can re-strengthen my skills, but my heart is ready. God gave me a vision and the circumstances to pursue this...but I feel setback.
I was at the college art supply store this week to re-stock. I used to work and teach right across the street. Back then, I knew the art supply staff and they knew me. They respected me as a noted member of my field. The manager of the store was my friend. Students asked me for my help when shopping. I purchased special paper from the back and used a specific kind of ink that had to be ordered. This week when I went in, I was a stranger to everyone. I didn't know where they kept the pencils I was looking for. I received advice from an arrogant young clerk who thought I needed some suggestions on what kind of paper to buy. She said it was a great paper for beginners. I paid for my materials and left. I sat out in my car and cried. Humbled.
The pastor at our church has been preaching about the life of David before he became a King - his struggles, his mis-steps, his strengths, his failures -- the best word would be his
journey. God told David he would be a king. David knew who he was. But God didn't put him on the thrown at 10 years old, it was 20 years later, when he was 30. In those 20 years, David went through every imaginable circumstance, and in God's wisdom, was transformed him into the kind of man God needed him to be. I have been most in awe at how David changed.. Here's this kid who was anointed as King, had songs sung about his strength in combat, he kills giants, he was a star! Where did he end up? Humbled, that's where. God planned for this. He was not surprised that David went on to write part of the Psalms. Sentence after sentence - paragraph after paragraph - these are the words of a man who was changed by a God that he loved.
Psalm 131:1-3 My heart is not proud, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.
I'm on a journey, and I believe with all my heart it has a destination. And I say to you be encouraged! Whatever God has called you to be doing right now, He will continue to lead you through it, and through life. The journey may be longer than you wanted. Wait patiently for what He has for you.
Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your path straight."