me: what's your favorite part about our home now that we have new things and it's decorated?
whatahusband: the bath mats. hands down.
whatahusband: hey babe, I've wanted to ask you something. I am totally fine with you hanging that art on the wall right here, but can we please move it to another wall?
me: yes we can, but why?
whatahusband: well, the jackalope hangs on this wall and this is, well... "his" space
whatahusband: i have the perfect project for this weekend.
me: oh boy, I can only imagine what it is...tell me!
whatahusband: well, I'm going to take this washer fluid bottle and weld some mounts for it underneath my truck and run a tube to the front of the truck so I can shoot people with water when I'm driving.
me: (pause) ok, well don't come crying to me when I have to bail you out of jail for shooting those dumb bicycle guys that ride down the 2 lane highway with no shoulder - I mean are they trying to get killed?
whatahusband: great target idea babe, thanks.
me: that SCARY DOG has gotten loose and is near our yard again and he runs up to norman and I when we go walking and tries to stir up trouble! i think he bites! I need to take norman out to go to the bathroom right now!! what do i do?
whatahusband: ok, (looking around the house quickly) here's the plan. let me go get the taser, then you can walk norman and we'll use him as bait to lure out that dog. we'll teach that other dog a lesson if he comes on our property!
me: use norman as
BAIT ?!?!
whatahusband: (engulfing me in a big hug) I'll protect you.
whatahusband: what in the h is this?
me: this is ginger.
whatahusband: oh. are we going to eat that?
me: yep!
whatahusband: i think its dirty babe.
me: well, that's just how it looks, it's a root.
whatahusband: I don't know what we're talking about any more.